Texasisms

Once you cross the state line and find yourself within the state of Texas, there are a few things to keep in mind:

Don't kill anybody -- Texas has no qualms using the death penalty. It's an almost weekly occurance in Huntsville.

The language is a bit skewed. Yes, we speak English -- but we have our own spin on it: Here are some examples:

1. "Fixin" is universal. I am fixin dinner - I am fixin to go to the store, etc.
2. I O No -- in the rest of the country this translates to "I don't know". For us, it's "ahohno"
3. Bidness -- (Business) somehow the last "s" can be pronounced but not the first as it becomes a hard "d"

The famous "ya'll". Let's clear this one up so that you use it in its proper context (I thank The Illustrious One for this definition):

1. "Fuck ya'll" -- that's directed to 1-2 people
2. "Fuck all ya'll" -- that's directed to 3 or more people

And yes - there is that famous shirt, "Fuck You We're From Texas" which was masterfully thought up by Jeff Liles when he had his DDT band (Decadent Dub Team). It was made famous when Slash in his Guns 'n Roses heyday wore it for an interview with MTV.

Another quirk is that once you are within the state lines, you will be exposed to the "Texas is better than anyone else" mentality.

But it's more defined than even that -- the cities wrangle for top spot. As a Dallasite, I think Houston stinks -- literally -- it smells plus it's very humid. Austin is too hippy. Fort Worth -- God love them, those people in FW do try their little hearts out.

How can 2 cities seperated by 30 miles have such vastly different vibes? I don't know -- but it's real. As a Dallas girl, I still get a laugh out of a stupid joke that is true....

Q: "What is the one thing that Fort Worth has that Dallas doesn't?

A: "A major metropolitan city within 200 miles."

Don't get me wrong - Dallas has it's issues. Vain - shallow - materialistic. We are surrounded by buildings with mirrored windows. There are more plastic surgeries performed on men and women in Dallas than in Los Angles. Good God, even our hard core biker gangs dress better than those in surrounding states.

Another weird thing is that about once a month someone will ask me where I am from and without fail the convesation goes like this:

"Where are you from?"
"Dallas."
"No - originally, where are you from?"
"Dallas."
"You don't sound like it."
"I'm 5th generation."
'You kind of sound like you have a European accent."
"Don't know what to tell you."

Now what I've always found odd about this, is that myself, an ex-boyfriend, Hunter & Lane all have the same accent. We're natives. So wouldn't it seem that we are the ones that would be acknowledged as having the "Dallas accent?" I guess everyone has memories of JR Ewing's twang and are trying like hell to make us fit that mold.

I also have a theory about what perpetuates the Southern drawl / Texas twang / Redneck voices that visitors expect to hear. I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that whenever some broadcast news organization needs a quote from someone that claims to be from here, is that they interview 20 people (at least) and select the most hick sounding person for that much needed sound bite.

I can't prove this -- but it's just a theory I have.