Good night sweet prince -- Johnny Chop has died

My heart is breaking.

Johnny Chop has died.

He was only 34 years old.

Such a fantastic motorcycle builder.

He was a heart transplant recepient a few years ago. Yesterday he didn't feel too well and was taken to the hospital. In typical Johnny fashion he was joking with people at the hospital. At some point this A.M. his heart just gave out.

Johnny -- you were one of the good ones.

The best.

I will miss our conversations -- I will miss you.....

Pluck Your Twanger In The Artsy Springtime

I have this mapping program on my blog that allows me to see where people are visiting from and in some cases the search criteria they put into a search engine that prompted my blog to come up.

Recently, one of the most popular posts has been the one from February 25. It has the video link to the Rainbow episode that is just beyond naughty! A children's programme that is making references to "blowing all night", "Jane's lovely set of maracas", "bouncing your balls" and the all time favorite which is how people are finding this blog -- "pluck your twanger."

If you haven't visited the Feb 25 entry - this might be a time to do so to understand the popularity of this link.

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The Illustrious One and I attended the Easyriders show today at Fair Park. I was quite surprised -- crowds were light early afternoon and there was a noticable decrease in attendees. But some of my favs were on hand - Denny Garley of TC Customs, Jimmie Lee & John Coen of Three Two Choppers, Scott Arndt of Scott's Hardcore Kustoms and Mike DuSold of DuSold DeSigns.

Denny had his blue chopper there -- I don't know what it is about that bike but if I had the money I would buy it in a heartbeat. The use of colours is great -- a funky peacock blue, black and silver. I just love it -- great curves -- low and long. MmmmmmMmmm!

Most impressive accolades to Three Two -- they built a bad ass creation in 2 weeks. They decided on February 15th that they needed a new entry for this year's show circuit. In the immortal words of Paris HIlton -- "it's hot".

Scott Arndt was informed by his wife Lori a few weeks ago that he would be building an Evo for the show. Scott doesn't build Evo's. Lori is persuasive. He built one. It looks great and I love the sound of it -- deep, raw, throaty and sexy -- like all good bikes should sound!

Mike DuSold gave a sneak preview of his Metric Revolution bike. He had a primo location at the end of aisle 1 so everyone that rounded that corner paused, jaws dropped and tried to figure out just what the hell they were looking it. That big ass new Triumph motor inside the frame of a real DuSold original frame design.

I never even got to see that Triumph in it's original form. Mike picked it up, rode it a couple miles and promptly cut the frame in half. By the time I had arrived at his shop, there's dead bits of Triumph frame about on the floor and this massive motor on the worktable.

So now that spring is upon us, it's a non-stop dialogue of what shows are you going to, what trips are you taking, what work is going to be done to trick out the bike, etc. etc.

But for me - spring means something different -- the art shows. I LOVE them. Cottonwood, Wildflower! and ArtFest. I try to hoard money before the spring art shows because I simply MUST attend them and I find the most fantastic items. My passions are contemporary art and unique decorative accessories. I love great use of colours - bright & bold, textures and whimsy and thought provoking.

I also am enthralled with great photography.... the perfect landscape in Ireland with it's rich green land and haunting grey mists....the forlorn, scarred, old big brown bear sitting by the stream for all the world with his "just having one of those days" look on his face.

A couple people in the past have actually chastised me for not living and breathing motorcycles; I also have condemnations in regards to the Corvette because I don't attend every single club event. I am very fortunate to have the 2 great American toys, but I also love having a life filled with diversity in activities.

Diversity in an intregral part of living one's life. It's like art -- you don't see with your eyes -- you see with your brain. The eyes are a camera lense capturing the moment but the brain processes the image. And depending upon the diversity you've been exposed to in your life and how "open" or "closed" you are in thinking, helps to determine whether a Michelangelo's David or a Robert Mapplethrope is art or smut.

Try Out For Jeopardy!

Have you ever wanted to try out for Jeopardy? Wanted to see if you are as smart under the gun as you are slacking around on your sofa? Crave to earn more money than Ken Jennings?

Well, here is your chance -- go to this URL and pre-register as the online tests take place next week. http://www.jeopardy.com/onlinetest


Details of the online test:

On the night of your test, be at your computer and online 15 minutes before the test begins. Don't wait until the last minute!

Click on the "Log In / Launch Test" button. If you attempt to launch the test too early, you will be prompted to wait until the proper time, then re-launch.

Enter your User Name (your registered email address) and Password. When you are successfully logged in the countdown clock will appear. When the clock reaches :00 the test will begin. There will be no other prompts.

The test will begin at precisely three minutes after the hour and will take approximately 10 minutes to complete. For more details about the test, see below.

Taking the test:

The online test is a 50-question, 50-category test and will take approximately ten minutes to complete. Clues will appear one at a time and will run sequentially from one to fifty. You cannot pause, stop, or go back on the test. The test will not be repeated, and there will be no opportunity to review at the end of the test, nor to change any of your responses.

Timing:

You will have fifteen seconds to respond to each clue - or to change your answer - before the test automatically captures whatever you have typed and advances automatically to the next question. You will have the option to submit your response before the clock times out for a particular clue if you are ready to proceed, or you can wait for the full 15 seconds for your response to be automatically submitted.

Important Tips:

DO NOT PHRASE YOUR RESPONSE IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION! Only the relevant piece of information is necessary

A partial response may be enough to count as a correct answer so take a guess and put something down!

Remember to keep the categories in mind as you consider your response. Correct responses must fit within the parameters of the category as well as the clue.

This is not a spelling test, but try to be as accurate as possible in your responses.
In the case of proper names, last names are sufficient for the purposes of this test.

After the Test

The tests will be graded. Whether you pass or not, JEOPARDY! never reveals actual test scores. Depending on the number of people who achieve a passing score, a random selection process may need to be implemented. Those selected will be invited to come to their preferred audition city that was selected during registration to participate in the full audition process consisting of:

• Being tested with a new different 50-question test.
• Playing a "mock version" of JEOPARDY! to assess your game-playing skills
• A short personality interview
• If you pass all the requirements to become a contestant you will be entered into the contestant pool for one year.
• Passing these tests does not guarantee you an appearance on JEOPARDY! or make you automatically eligible to appear on the show.

2005 Stella Awards!

Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous,successful law suits in the United States.Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000. by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him unduemental anguish. The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000. In my opinion this is so outrageous that it should have been 2nd Place!

4th Place:Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500. and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000, plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

No Nursing Home For Me!!

About 2 years ago I was on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.

At dinner I noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As I left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship forthe last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble,I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.

The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I canget a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.

That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant,or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5 They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattressreplaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to asuite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best!

Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS - And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

A Kinky Man After My Own Heart

On the "let's elect Kinky governor of Texas" front, there are a couple developments.

According to the mainstream press if the election were held today Kinky would only receive 10% of the vote. Yet in an online poll by the Austin Statesman, it shows Kinky would receive 46% of the vote.

Also, it seems some running scared types have been graciously offering to pick up signed petitions - no one knows who they are or even what candidate they represent so we will hold off on judgement as to whether they are up to no good!

And lastly, a true man after my own heart - Kinky wants to rename certain highways after Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Bob Willis, Stevie Ray Vaughn & Janis Joplin.......

Kinky --- you had me at Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Idle Ramblings

Here are a few things to think about that you might not have never thought about:


When does a crumb become a crumb? Is it the split second the fragment leaves the mass or once the fragment hits a solid surface? -- I've wondered about this since 3rd grade and I have no idea why.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Cheaters & Elimidate

I have a confession to the world -- people in Dallas watch Cheaters.

You may think that people in cities all across this great land of ours watches Cheaters; but Dallasites are worse.

Why?

Because 95% of the shows are taped here. We like to watch to see where they are when they are catting around and/or the confrontation happens. Ever since that damn Janet "let's flash my tit to the world" Jackson screw up, Cheaters has been blurring signage more. Sometimes that can make it a bit more challenging, but if you are in the know, 9 times out of 10 you can figure out where they are.

There is a lot of filming that goes on in this city for various commercials, tv shows & films; but without fail, everyone's first thought is "Oh my God, Cheaters is here!" whenever a camera crew shows up.

When I was working with Elimidate, there were so many people asking, "Is this Cheaters?" I would tell them no, it's the show before you need Cheaters. I heard so many stories about the aftermath of Cheaters taping somewhere.

A waiter who worked at a mexican food place in Farmer's Market said that just the week before, one of his best clients was in a secluded table having a lovely dinner. The waiter went into the kitchen to get the flan for dessert and when he came back out there was a full blown brawl going on with his best customer right in the middle of it. He shook his head sadly at the thought and grumbled how he felt that was the last time he would see that customer -- and he tipped so well.

There was a lot of rumbling that the shows were staged and I think for the first season that was probably true because they needed to get show made. But once the viewing audience understood what was going on -- hold back the door. I think every potentially scorned lover in this area has thought of contacting Cheaters.

We all aleady know what is involved -- if Cheaters does the background work and indeed finds proof, you must go on camera with a confrontation otherwise you have to pay them for their detective work. This may sound callous but it makes business sense to me. They are hiring people to get the dirt so they either need content for their show or to be reimbursed.

Now earlier I mentioned Elimidate and a lot of people ask me what that show is really like, so if you are interested in being on it, get your pen and take notes:

Elimidate will breeze into town and hit various clubs, ask potential candidates to fill out questionnaires and have their photos taken. Once they go back to LA, they determine who would be best for the show, then phone the people up to let them know a day they should block off.

Upon Elimidate returning to town a few weeks later to begin taping, they will scout locations on day 1 and then begin taping usually on day 2. They will have production assitants hired, 1 for the "chooser" and 3 for the "contestants".

The PA's must drive to pick up their respective person in the beginning of the day and drive them to the staging area where taping will begin. They typical pick up time is between 8 - 10 a.m.

Upon reaching the staging area, all the "players" are kept out of sight of one another. They will usually be sitting in a car for up to an hour. In the meantime, the PA's are supposed to hit the producers car for cocktails -- and they are to pour with a heavy hand. Yes, that's right, well before noon, the "players" should be getting trashed.

During this time, the producers will go up to the various "players" and do a meet & greet and go over some of their questionnaires. Finally, the call comes through to take the respective "player" to their staging area - yet stay out of sight of their opponents.

When you see the players walk up for the introduction, that is indeed the first time they see one another. Now between takes, the producers are runninng up to the players to let them know some inside dirt gathered from an opponents questionnaire and that is how they get the verbal ammunition to throw at one another.

Also, between takes, the players should be sipping on cocktails....after all, tipsy players make for better programming! If all goes well, the intro is wrapped in a few hours -- that's right, that 3 minutes of fun is usually 2-3 hours of taping.

Once the first player is cut, they tape their "they can kiss my ass" monologue for the camera and then they sashay into the distance. At that point, they gather their belongings and are placed into a hired car (Town Car or Limo) for their ride home. A lot of them want to stay to watch the rest of the taping, but legally, Elimidate has to show proof that the player was returned to their place of origin.

If the player wants to come back o their own, they can, but Elimidate won't allow them to just hang out. Usually after segment 1 or 2, a token meal is served. Their craft services blows -- string cheese & peanut butter and crackers -- yuck!

Now usually for one of the later segments, the players change ito party clothes to go out somewhere. Those clothes are already on hand -- everything the player needs for the day has to have been brought with them. They end up changing outfits in a public rest room. If the female players are lucky, they will have a PA that will carry their purse so that between takes they can touch up. This is a sure fire way to piss off the other players because they know they are wilting while their opponent is looking better. So if you plan on being on Elimidate, ask your PA to carry your purse for you.

The outcome -- of the 6 shows taped in Dallas, 2 of the "couples" actually hit it off and that was usually because they knew the same circle of friends, etc. The other 4 shows were people just wanting to get the hell out of there when it was all over.

Typically, the full shooting day lasts 10 - 12 hours. There is no financial payment for Elimidate; however, you do get air time which is craved by many "MAW's" (model / actress / whatevers).

Also, I don't know if Elimidate will come back to Dallas any time soon (it's been 2 years since they were here), primarily because they had so many problems getting the players to drink. A lot of the players on the show A) had no desire to drink before Noon or B) were very health concious and only wanted water or C) they knew what was going on immediately and choose not to be a drunken buffoon for American viewers.

So there you have it -- everything you might or might not have wanted to know about Cheaters & Elimidate!

Come Out of the Closet, Mr. Hayes

Ok - let me get this straight -- Issac Hayes quits South Park due to their religious intolerance.

The guy has no problem with making fun of Christians, Jesus, Santa Claus, Muslems, Jews, Blacks, etc., but one very well written spoof on Scientology (of which he is a follower) sends him off the deep edge?

How on Earth did he tolerate the inclusion of Token (the "token" black kid of the bunch)?

How did he tolerate "Operation Follow the Darkie" when the US invaded Canada in the film?!

He subjected the world to his "Chocolate Salty Balls" song yet we took it all in stride.

Please Mr. Hayes -- you've profited very handsomely from South Park. Before that series the only thing you were known for well was singing the theme song to Shaft and that ain't exactly Pavarotti in terms of talent!

Fasting -- For How Long?

I've not eaten in a few days.

I take that back, yesterday I had a Corona which gave me an instant buzz and then a small cup of Paciugo gelato. I was so stuffed I was miserable for about 20 minutes.

The last food I remember having before that was last Wenesday when I crunched on 2 carrots -- I was stuffed before I got to the 2nd carrot but made myself eat it.

I've been drinking a lot of water with lime, sometimes I may crack open a Rockstar and I know on Saturday I had a 2 serving container of Odwalla Super Food....love that stuff!

I'm not sick and heaven knows I'm not anorexic by any stretch of the imagination. I think that since I have knowingly gone into a fast on a few ocassions before, that this time, my body just slid into it naturally.

There are a lot of people that fast for spiritual reasons -- that's not me. What I have noticed is that when I fast my energy level increases and stays steady all day long; I also sleep less and better. My thinking is sharp, I ride the bike fine with no lightheadedness and my skin feels softer.

At some point I will crave food again and at that time I will eat. It will usually start off with craving fruits or vegetables and then something heavier or more decadent.

If you have never tried fasting, I do recommend it. It's natural and it gives your body a break. The average American spends 1/3 of their calories digesting food -- that's an awful lot of energy. If you are interested in the benefits of fasting, definitely make use of Google and some of these sites:

• Detox Cleansing Thru Fasting
• Fasting Options

Spring is almost upon us and this is the perfect time to do a fast if you've ever considered one!

A Kinky Weekend in Dallas ~ or ~ Never Fuck Up A Girl's Corvette

Ok boys and girls - and especially for those of you that are registered Texas voters -- the drive to get Kinky Friedman on the ballot is officially on.

The Republicans have Rick Perry and the lardasses have some cat named Chris Bell from Houston. Republican Carol Strayhorn is still running on the Independent ticket but everyone knows she's a R. And then there's Kinky.

He made an appareance on a float in the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade yesterday and a great time was had by all. If you want to know where you can go to get signed up on the Kinky petition so he is assured a spot on the Governor's ballot, just check out this site.

I made the mistake of riding down Greenville yesterday in the midst of the parade aftermath -- dear heavens -- dead beads, dead beer bottles, dead banners strewn all about the place. And what the hell is it with revving motorcycle pipes and drunk people in khaki shorts and flip flops? They go ballistic -- they really need a life.

On a different note, I heard it was a real life Slam Bang Theater in Daytona -- people crashing head on into one another, SUV's slamming into biker's from behind -- in a couple wrecks the bodies and bikes were so mangled people were unsure what bits and pieces belonged to which.

On yet a different note, I have been dealing with an issue for the past 8 months regarding my beloved Akasha. Hellatiously long story short, Corvettes of Dallas, those sorry sons of bitches, jacked up my car. There's a friggin puncture wound in the bit of plastic between two sections of aluminum in the upper left portion of the radiator -- they claim it's a hairline crack -- I guess they attended the Slick Willy School o' Definitions because I saw the damn thing and it looks like someone slammed a screwdriver into it.

Then they had the gall to suggest I save a whopping $40 by placing a used old radiator from a 94 with 40k more miles on it than my car -- I just wanted to bitch slap someone that day. This all happened in late August and I'm still royally pissed about it.

I confess to having "only child syndrome" -- which translates to "Don't fuck with my things" and fuck with my car they did. I know I'm a girl with a sports car but my money is just as green as a guy's.

Akasha is beautiful - she receives compliments all the time. Her official color is "bright aqua metallic" but it's teal. With light gray & black interior. She's so mellow. April 10 will be our 11th anniversary. I bought here when I thought I was going to be living in South Beach -- her plates were too kewl -- "DECADNT" -- I'm still trying to figure out kewl plates for Texas. As you can gather, I adore this car -- more than most people I know well.

So I came to the conclusion that perhaps I should sell her to someone that can TLC her. I have 1 person adamant that I should sell, 3 that are on the fence and everyone else replies, "Are you fucking nuts?!" Now granted it's all men who respond this way but it comes down to -- I've put almost $3k into her in the past year with all new hoses, water pump, power steering fluid pump, fan motor, etc etc. I know she needs a new radiator no thanks to those walking asses at Corvettes of Dallas and at some point she will need a new optispark. She also will need fru fru stuff like new window tint, new carpeting, etc.

So I guess it comes down to I need to figure out how to secure about $2-5k and just trick her out with everything she needs and God willing that should resolve everything.

And in closing regarding Corvettes of Dallas and the owner of the service area, David Upshaw, I have been STUNNED by how many people have told me stories about how awful their service is and if they had known I was going there they would have commandered my car away from that place. Even one of Upshaw's own relatives told me they would NEVER take their Corvette there!

Other specialty Corvette places in town have also said that whatever little respect they had left for CoD is totally shot after hearing what I went through -- and for the record, unlike what CoD said, a fucking horn does not ATROPHY from lack of use. The damn wires get jogged loose when buffoons replace the water pump and no amount of honking the horn while going down the road will make it return to full power -- yeah right, like I was going to do that!

.....God I wish I could just put on my bike boots with the silver toe tips and just kick those good old boys right in the nuts.

Hard.

Repeatedly.

I Love My Little Blue Tubes

I have these blue tubes and even when I am on the bike, I ususally have no less than 3 with me. I'm like a junkie - have to have my fix close by just in case something comes up...the one I absolutely swear by is Ignatia Amara (you can read the symptoms it addresses below).

For those of you that read this blog often, you know I have an insane aversion to anything prescription related. And it's easy to avoid the doctor in my case because I have my little blue tubes. People think I'm nuts and that's ok...like I've said before, I'm Texan and we're known for being half a bubble off. But once someone samples one my fixes, they are changed person.

"Oh my -- I think I'm feeling better."

"That is only $6 and has how many in there?! And it works!"

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV - I've just made a partial career out of trying to figure out how to take care of myself without doctors, hospitals, etc., involved. Just because this slightly skewed approach has worked for me for years, does not mean it will work for you -- but now that that disclaimer is out of the way, I think you can guess what my personal opinion is.

So today a friend called -- she was miserable. Throat is itching, battling allergies, every over the counter item has been tried to no avail. She wanted to know what I used. In the end, I went by Whole Foods, picked up a couple little blue tubes and took them to her. After I showed her how to twist the tube so the pellets would fall into the clear cap, then remove the cap and let the pellets dissolve under the tongue, we chatted for a bit. No more than 10 minutes passed when she said, "Oh -- you know something -- they are working. My throat isn't scratchy any more and I don't feel as stopped up."

She wanted to know what other symptoms they made the little blue tubes for and I told her a myriad of things. But that got me to thinking - I've always wanted to see an entire list without running to Whole Foods to see if perhaps the little blue tubes has a salvation for whatever is bothering me.

Once I had this hand-size dry rash on my left arm. I knew it was from eating too much wheat and nothing I did made it go away. One day while I was at Whole Foods, I browsed through the blue tubes and sure enough there was one that treats "rashes due to food allergies". Obviously I bought it -- and after 2 weeks of trying to get that damn rash to go away, my little blue tube of goodies made it vanish in less than 18 hours.

So what are these little blue tubes? Boiron. They are a French company so get over it because they work. So for any lost souls out there, that like me, have looked for the all inclusive list, I did manage to finally find one online and here it is -- and if you are looking for one stop shopping online - just visit Rite Care.

• Aconitum Napellus (High fever with sudden onset) for dry fever and cold symptoms with chills: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Aesculus Hippocastanum (Itching Hemorrhoids)
• Allium Cepa (Runny nose due to Colds or allergy) Remedy for colds/flu with sneezing and runny nose, laryngitis, tickling throat: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Antimonium Crudum (Indigestion with nausea) Remedy for bloating stomach and drowsiness following fatty meals: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Antimonium Tartaricum (Wet cough no expectoration) Remedy for cough symptoms with mild bronchitis and drowsiness: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Apis Mellifica (Stinging Inflammation due to allergies or insect bite) Remedy for allergic reactions like inflammation and rash also used for bee stings: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Argentum Nitricum (Apprehension) Remedy for anxiety or apprehension with sore throat and headaches: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Arnica Montana (Bruises, trauma) Remedy for muscle soreness or bruises and trauma pain: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Arsenicum Album (Diarrhea, Food Poisoning) Remedy for diarrhea with chills and hay fever and dermatitis: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Arsenicum Iodatum (Athlete's foot)
• Arum Triphyllum (Hoarseness, broken voice)

• Baryta (Sore throat, wet weather) Remedy for sore throat worsened by wet weather: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Belladonna (High fever with persperation, cold skin)
• Borax (Canker sores, mouth ulcers)
• Bryonia Alba (Joint and muscle pain) Remedy for rheumatic arthritis with joint and muscle pain aggravated by movement: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Calcarea Carbonica (Cradle cap, general tonic) Remedy used as a general tonic and specifically for eczema in newborns: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Calcarea Fluorica (Repeated sprains) Remedy for joint pain especially lower back pain also used for cysts and varicose veins: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Calcarea Phosphorica (Growing Pains during adolescence) Remedy for bone and teeth development in children, general tonic for kids: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Calcarea Sulphurica (Boils, acne) Remedy for boils pimples and acne or eczema: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Cantharis (Blisters, bladder infection) Remedy for minor urinary burning or itching pain also used for and minor burns or scalds: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Carbo Vegetabilis (Abdominal bloating, gas) Remedy for stomach gas or flatulence and sluggish digestion also used for shortness of breath: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Caulophyllum Thalictroides (Period pain) Remedy for spasmodic pain like PMS or menstrual cramps also used for dysmenorrhea: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Causticum (Bedwetting, incontinence) Remedy for hoarseness and general weakness may be accompanied by bedwetting: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Chamomilla (Teething pain with irritability)
• Chelidonium Majus (Indigestion with nausea, gall bladder disorder)
• Cimicifuga Racemosa (Painful menstruation) Remedy for sick feeling with muscular cramp pain and a flushed face: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Cina (sleepless & irritability in children) Remedy for nervousness and irritability in children suffering from sleeplessness: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Cinchona Officinalis (Diarrhea with gas, bloating) Remedy for loss of vital fluids accompanied by exhaustion and excessive sweating: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Cocculus Indicus (Motion sickness, dizziness) Remedy for motion sickness and also insomnia: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Coffea Cruda (Insomnia due to stress with irritability, mental hyperactivity)
• Colocynthis (Abdominal cramps) Remedy for cramps and spasmodic pain: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Cuprum Metallicum (Leg muscle cramps) Remedy for spasmodic affections and muscle cramps or spasmodic cough: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Drosera Rotundifolia (Spasmodic dry cough) Remedy for repetitive spasmodic dry cough 30 Pills: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Dulcamara (Joint pain in damp weather) Remedy for cold symptoms with rheumatism or joint pain and urticaria: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Eupatorium Perforatum (stiffness, bone pain with flu) Remedy for flu symptoms with fever and stiffness aches and pains: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Euphrasia Officinalis (Watery eye irritation, allergies) Remedy for allergies and hay fever with watery eyes and sneezing: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Ferrum Phosphoricum (Mild to low fever) Remedy for Slow onset colds, dry painful spasmodic cough: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Galphimia glauca NEW ITEM (Hayfever) Remedy Indicated for hayfever with eye and nose discharge with edema of eyelids: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses
• Gelsemium Sempervirens (Apprehension, stage fright) Remedy for apprehension or stage fright with flu symptoms like fever and migraine: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Glonoinum NEW ITEM (Sunstroke, sudden hot flashes) Remedy Indicated for sunstroke with sudden, throbbing headache: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses
• Graphites (Helps reduce scars) Remedy for constipation and tendency for obesity: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Hamamelis Virginiana (Hemorrhoids, piles) Remedy for hemorrhoids and piles also treats varicose veins: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Hepar Sulphuris (painful horse dry cough) Remedy for skin infections, boils, inflammations also for croupy cough and laryngitis: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Histaminum Hydrochloricum (Allergic Reactions)
• Hydrastis Canadensis (Post nasal drip)
• Hypericum Perforatum (Nerve pain) Remedy for nerve pain due to cuts trauma lacerations or tooth ache: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Ignatia Amara (Nervousness & hypersensitivity due to everyday stress) Remedy for stress and grief and general nervous conditions and sleeping disorders: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Ipecacuanha (Nausea, vomiting, hyper-salivation) Remedy for nausea with vomiting also used for convulsive coughs: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Kali Bichromicum (Congested sinus, thick nasal discharge) Remedy for sinusitis or congestive mucous membranes: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Kali Carbonicum (Pain & weakness in lower back) Remedy for dispepsia and digestive disorders including flatulence or gas: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Kali Iodatum (Burning runny nose, frontal sinus pain) Remedy for colds with burning runny nose, sinusitis: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Kali Muriaticum (Nasal congestion, thick white discharge) Remedy for runny nose, ear nose and throat catarrhal inflammations and mouth ulcers: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Kali Phosphoricum (Tension headache, mental fatigue) Remedy for nervous exhaustion like regaining health after an infectious disease or flu: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Kali Sulphuricum (Nasal congestion, yellow nasal discharge) Remedy for cold symptoms with yellow nasal discharge and scaly skin eruptions: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Lachesis Mutus (Hot flashes, menopause)
• Ledum Palustre (Insect bites) Remedy for insect bites or minor puncture wounds caused by animal bites and insect stings: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Lobelia Inflata NEW ITEM (Tobacco craving)
  Lycopodium Clavatum (Gas, flatulence) Remedy for digestion problems like heartburn, gas, bloating accompanied by constipation: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Magnesia Phosphorica (Abdominal spasmodic pain) Remedy for menstrual cramps and spasmodic muscle pain associated with PMS: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Mercurius Solubilis (Sore throat, with bad breath, salivation)
• Mercurius Vivus (Sore throat, bad breath)
• Mezereum NEW ITEM (Sinus Pain) Remedy Indicated for sinus pain in face bones with sneezing: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses

• Natrum Muriaticum (Nasal dryness & runny alternates) Remedy for colds with clear nasal discharge accompanied by grief, anger, fright or hangnails: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Natrum Sulphuricum (Bronchial irritation) Remedy for nausea and biliousness also used for dermatitis or skin rash: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Nux Vomica (Over drinking/eating) Remedy for upset stomach especially hangovers and stimulant overuse: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Petroleum (Chapped/cracked fingertips)
• Phosphoricum Acidum (Poor concentration, overwork) Remedy for mental exhaustion, lack of concentration and irritability: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Phosphorus (Dizziness, headache) Remedy for dry cough with hoarseness and lung congestion accompanied by vertigo or dizziness: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Phytolacca Decandra (Sore throat radiating to ears) Remedy for sore throat and laryngitis with ear pain on swallowing: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Podophyllum Peltatum (Diarrhea, stomach growling) Remedy for diarrhea due to teething: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Pulsatilla (Thick yellow nasal discharge) Remedy for nasal congestion and chronic mucous membrane irritation: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Rhus Tox. (Joint pain better with motion) Remedy for rheumatoid pain also for muscle pain and sprains: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Rumex Crispus (Constant dry cough in cold air)
• Ruta Graveolens (Eye strain, excess TV/computer) Remedy for strains especially eye strain and occupational injuries caused by repetitive movement: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Sabina (Heavy menstruation)
• Sepia (Mood swings) Remedy for strains especially eye strain and occupational injuries caused by repetitive movement: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Silicea (fatigue, irritability overwork) Remedy for weakness and fatigue or poor nutrition: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Spongia Tosta (Croupy Cough) Remedy for cough symptoms with laryngitis: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Staphysagria (healing of wounds) Remedy for urinary burning pain or hypersensitivity of the genitals or itching: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Sulphur (Skin rash with itching) Remedy for skin disorders including itchy or burning skin rash and acne: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Sulphur Iodatum (Nasal discharge during cold & flu)
• Symphytum Officinalis (Bone pain, fractures)

• Tabacum (Motion sickness with cold sweat) Remedy for motion sickness and nausea also used for hypersalivaton: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Thuja Occidentalis (Warts, splitting, breaking nails) Remedy for skin disorders like warts and acne also seborrhea and dandruff: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Urtica Urens (Skin rash due to food allergies) Remedy for rashes like prickly stinging sensation or bee stings also used for hives from seafood: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Veratrum Album (Diarrhea, vomiting) Remedy for diarrhea with cramps and vomiting: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.
• Vipera Berus (Stiff Legs) Remedy for Stiff legs improved by elevation: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses.

• Zincum Metallicum NEW ITEM (Leg Cramps) Indicated for leg cramps and restless leg: Multi-Dose (80 granules) 16 Doses

There is NO apostrophe in HELLS ANGELS

So today I received an email notice from CNN about a motorcycle related story -- I'm signed up to receive notices like that.

Whoever the illustrious journalist was that wrote this story overlooked one key element -- there is NO apostrophe in the name "Hells Angels".

For some reason, people are hell bent on putting an apostrophe in there and there is no quicker way to piss off an HA'er -- aside from shooting their dog dead which was the CNN biker story of the day a couple weeks ago -- than to place incorrect punctuation into their name.

So what was the catalyst for this story? It seems the Hells Angels are taking on Disney.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) - The Hell's Angels Motorcycle Corp. is suing a division of Walt Disney, Buena Vista Motion Pictures and a film production company for infringing on its trademark in the development and production of "Wild Hogs," a comedy about middle-aged bikers.

The motorcycle club says in the suit that it never approved Walt Disney Motion Picture Group's use of its trademark, and that the film studio has repeatedly exploited the Hell's Angels name as well as its trademark design featuring a helmeted, horned and feathered skull while publicizing the "Wild Hogs" movie.

Disney and Tollin/Robbins Productions have repeatedly referred to "Wild Hogs" as a movie about a "group of middle-aged wannabe bikers look(ing) for adventure out on the open road, where they soon encounter a chapter of the Hell's Angels," according to the suit, filed in the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California.

"We believe the suit is without merit," Disney spokesman David Caouette said.

Tim Allen, John Travolta and Martin Lawrence are slated to star in the film, which is expected to start production in late spring.

Casting Couch

If the good old casting couch was still in demand as it used to be, we might have been subjected to films staring the likes of......

Oscar Winning Songs

I like to think that maybe I have a little bit more knowledge than the average bear because I spent a long time working in the music industry -- at the big boy level. Given that, I have to confess that I am less than impressed with the song that won the Oscar this year.

Let's do a brief compare & contrast of this year's winner with other Oscar winning songs:

From Breakfast at Tiffany's...
Moon River
Wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style
Someday ...

Now, let's pick up the tempo a little:

From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid...
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit ...

Let's see, what should we sing next? Gosh, there are so many great ones to choose from – "Three Coins in a Fountain," "Days of Wine and Roses," "The Way We Were," "Over the Rainbow."

And now for the contrast, let's sing this one – "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)
When you're tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)
For the Cadillac and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)
We'll have a whole lotta bitches jumpin ship.

Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it? Those poor, poor pimps.

Actually it brings a tear to the eye to see what passes for music. Excuse me, let's put "song" in quotes. Because call me crazy, but music usually involves melody.

And I didn't detect any in "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." That was just bad poetry set to bad percussion. Honestly, Three 6 Mafia's performance Sunday night reminded me of kids banging pots and pans.

But maybe I'm not being fair. Let's sing a bit more:

Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they'll both do you
That the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women.
Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me
But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night
Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right.

It's bad enough that so much of hip-hop sounds like an old Ford about to throw a transmission. But then you add lyrics that sound straight off the bathroom wall in some skanky cathouse. The result is just magic.

Yeah, yeah. I know some rap is smart and insightful. And I've heard some infectious hooks. But let's be honest. This is not great music. This is a silly detour in the great progression of music. It's stuff soon to be forgotten.

On the other hand, it was 70 years ago that this one won an Oscar. And we'll still be singing it in another 70 years.

From Swing Time...
Some day
When I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight....

Now that's music.