A Kinky Weekend in Dallas ~ or ~ Never Fuck Up A Girl's Corvette

Ok boys and girls - and especially for those of you that are registered Texas voters -- the drive to get Kinky Friedman on the ballot is officially on.

The Republicans have Rick Perry and the lardasses have some cat named Chris Bell from Houston. Republican Carol Strayhorn is still running on the Independent ticket but everyone knows she's a R. And then there's Kinky.

He made an appareance on a float in the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade yesterday and a great time was had by all. If you want to know where you can go to get signed up on the Kinky petition so he is assured a spot on the Governor's ballot, just check out this site.

I made the mistake of riding down Greenville yesterday in the midst of the parade aftermath -- dear heavens -- dead beads, dead beer bottles, dead banners strewn all about the place. And what the hell is it with revving motorcycle pipes and drunk people in khaki shorts and flip flops? They go ballistic -- they really need a life.

On a different note, I heard it was a real life Slam Bang Theater in Daytona -- people crashing head on into one another, SUV's slamming into biker's from behind -- in a couple wrecks the bodies and bikes were so mangled people were unsure what bits and pieces belonged to which.

On yet a different note, I have been dealing with an issue for the past 8 months regarding my beloved Akasha. Hellatiously long story short, Corvettes of Dallas, those sorry sons of bitches, jacked up my car. There's a friggin puncture wound in the bit of plastic between two sections of aluminum in the upper left portion of the radiator -- they claim it's a hairline crack -- I guess they attended the Slick Willy School o' Definitions because I saw the damn thing and it looks like someone slammed a screwdriver into it.

Then they had the gall to suggest I save a whopping $40 by placing a used old radiator from a 94 with 40k more miles on it than my car -- I just wanted to bitch slap someone that day. This all happened in late August and I'm still royally pissed about it.

I confess to having "only child syndrome" -- which translates to "Don't fuck with my things" and fuck with my car they did. I know I'm a girl with a sports car but my money is just as green as a guy's.

Akasha is beautiful - she receives compliments all the time. Her official color is "bright aqua metallic" but it's teal. With light gray & black interior. She's so mellow. April 10 will be our 11th anniversary. I bought here when I thought I was going to be living in South Beach -- her plates were too kewl -- "DECADNT" -- I'm still trying to figure out kewl plates for Texas. As you can gather, I adore this car -- more than most people I know well.

So I came to the conclusion that perhaps I should sell her to someone that can TLC her. I have 1 person adamant that I should sell, 3 that are on the fence and everyone else replies, "Are you fucking nuts?!" Now granted it's all men who respond this way but it comes down to -- I've put almost $3k into her in the past year with all new hoses, water pump, power steering fluid pump, fan motor, etc etc. I know she needs a new radiator no thanks to those walking asses at Corvettes of Dallas and at some point she will need a new optispark. She also will need fru fru stuff like new window tint, new carpeting, etc.

So I guess it comes down to I need to figure out how to secure about $2-5k and just trick her out with everything she needs and God willing that should resolve everything.

And in closing regarding Corvettes of Dallas and the owner of the service area, David Upshaw, I have been STUNNED by how many people have told me stories about how awful their service is and if they had known I was going there they would have commandered my car away from that place. Even one of Upshaw's own relatives told me they would NEVER take their Corvette there!

Other specialty Corvette places in town have also said that whatever little respect they had left for CoD is totally shot after hearing what I went through -- and for the record, unlike what CoD said, a fucking horn does not ATROPHY from lack of use. The damn wires get jogged loose when buffoons replace the water pump and no amount of honking the horn while going down the road will make it return to full power -- yeah right, like I was going to do that!

.....God I wish I could just put on my bike boots with the silver toe tips and just kick those good old boys right in the nuts.

Hard.

Repeatedly.