Casting Couch

If the good old casting couch was still in demand as it used to be, we might have been subjected to films staring the likes of......

Oscar Winning Songs

I like to think that maybe I have a little bit more knowledge than the average bear because I spent a long time working in the music industry -- at the big boy level. Given that, I have to confess that I am less than impressed with the song that won the Oscar this year.

Let's do a brief compare & contrast of this year's winner with other Oscar winning songs:

From Breakfast at Tiffany's...
Moon River
Wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style
Someday ...

Now, let's pick up the tempo a little:

From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid...
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit ...

Let's see, what should we sing next? Gosh, there are so many great ones to choose from – "Three Coins in a Fountain," "Days of Wine and Roses," "The Way We Were," "Over the Rainbow."

And now for the contrast, let's sing this one – "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)
When you're tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)
For the Cadillac and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)
We'll have a whole lotta bitches jumpin ship.

Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it? Those poor, poor pimps.

Actually it brings a tear to the eye to see what passes for music. Excuse me, let's put "song" in quotes. Because call me crazy, but music usually involves melody.

And I didn't detect any in "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." That was just bad poetry set to bad percussion. Honestly, Three 6 Mafia's performance Sunday night reminded me of kids banging pots and pans.

But maybe I'm not being fair. Let's sing a bit more:

Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they'll both do you
That the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women.
Gotta couple hoes workin on the changes for me
But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night
Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right.

It's bad enough that so much of hip-hop sounds like an old Ford about to throw a transmission. But then you add lyrics that sound straight off the bathroom wall in some skanky cathouse. The result is just magic.

Yeah, yeah. I know some rap is smart and insightful. And I've heard some infectious hooks. But let's be honest. This is not great music. This is a silly detour in the great progression of music. It's stuff soon to be forgotten.

On the other hand, it was 70 years ago that this one won an Oscar. And we'll still be singing it in another 70 years.

From Swing Time...
Some day
When I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight....

Now that's music.

Boob - O - Meter Oogling

**NOTE: Definitely take time to check out the Comments section -- a couple of them are hillarious!!**

So a few years ago, I saw an article in The Sun about a study that proved that men will live an average of 3 years longer if they are allowed to freely "oogle" breasts for at least 10 minutes per day.

The Illustrious One was most delighted when I told him about this study as it validated his ocassional Internet smut watching. I don't really mind because he prefers the real thing so he can booby window shop all he wants just as long as he doesn't buy. Besides, even though I am admittedly soft spoken, I have a way of putting the fear of God into the burliest guy with a single look. The Illustrious One is more metrosexual than burly but even he says that he knows very well if he ever dared to stray, life as he knows it would come to an abrupt and unpleasant halt.

So back to the oogling -- I am quite fond of The Illustrious One and would like his companionship for a long time to come; therefore, he can oogle away.

So to all you delightful boys that like to oogle -- here is a fun site that will help you achieve your daily quota without having to enter your credit card number and confirming you are at least 18 years of age --- happy oogling!!

Oh My Godard...

It's a beautiful Sunday in Dallas - temps are in the 70's. Do I go out and play on the bike? Normally I would -- but today, Michael Godard was in town.

Oh heavens, that boy is gorgeous!

So the scene takes place at the "Oh My Godard" signature gallery at Willow Bend, right next door to Neiman-Marcus. After schmoozing for a while and sipping on martinis, the music transitions from rock to the most fantastic gothic bells ringing loudly. And out window you see 2 female figures draped in black capes with their hoods pulled forward so you can't see their faces, Michael & Elly Godard are behind them and then the entourage.

The place goes wild - absolutely wild. The two girls in the cloaks walk in and take their places on the platforms behind the easel that's placed in front of the main windows. They shed their cloaks and begin gyrating to the now pumping rock music -- things like T. Rex's "20th Century Boy" and Motley Crue's "Primal Scream". The girls are clad in the shortest of shorts, fishnets, platform boots and bustiers pushing all goods up and out.

The normal traffic in and out of Neimans is stunned by the risque go-go visual in the gallery window - they were almost as fun to watch as Godard & crew.

Elly Godard looked stunning with her long black hair (think Morticia Addams), her gothic velvet coat and Michael was pure sex. The black hair, eyeliner, dripping in silver & diamond jewelry, tight black leather pants and a sexy white fitted tunic with a goth design on the front.

A couple of my friends have purchased no less than 10 of his works in the past month alone and there was a massive wait for him to sign his pieces.

He took time discuss his works and some of the hidden symbolism and real-life events that inspired the creations.

Elly and I chatted for a bit - she used to work for Clear Channel and somehow Dennis Hoff of the legendary whorehouse Bunny Ranch came up. Dennis keeps asking her to come visit and she's hesitant to go -- I don't blame her....the Ranch may be one of those places where a girl can check out but can never leave -- LOL!

I've not spoken to Dennis in ages - I knew him through Jade St. Clair when she was Miss Nude World -- Jade & Dennis were good friends but Jade vanished and I've not heard from her in quite a while.

I was graciously invited to Godard's big party in Las Vegas on July 1 -- it will be a who's who of music, movies & motorcycles -- it's already "inked" into my planner and I'm looking forward to it!

If you get an opportunity to see Godard in person -- definitely do so because it's a visual treat!

Mayor H.R. Pufnstuf Mourns Loss of Jimmy

It's a sad day on Living Island as Mayor H.R. Pufnstuf, Freddie the Flute, Seymour and others gather to mourn the loss of Jimmy.

While Jimmy was not a native of the Island, he happily made it his home after the nefarious Witchipoo attempted to posses Jimmy's friend Freddie the Flute. Our illustrious dragon Mayor Pufnstuf valiantly saved Jimmy & Freddie from the evil witch's clutches.

On occasion Jimmy did venture off the Island for artistic pursuits. He was an Island hero when he received an Academy Award nomination for his role as the Artful Dodger in Oliver Twist.

Jimmy also pursued extensive stage work and like many youths in the entertainment business, he succumbed to certain vices such as alcohol and smoking. Jimmy fought cancer the last years of his life with courage.

A memorial service for all residents of the Island will be held at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the non-profit charity of your choice.

What's Wrong With This Photo?

Just take a good look at the helmet and see if you can notice anything wrong.....




....in case you aren't helmet savvy, she has the helmet on upside down. The portion around her face is in fact what should be going around her neck. And notice that the chin strap that should be beneath the chin is infact at her lower lip!

Some people should really stick to walking!

Anna Nicole Smith -- Cosmetic Surgery?

I think it's safe to say that most of us were stunned by the "new" look of Anna Nicole Smith during her recent appearance at the Supreme Court.

I saw an interview with a plastic surgeon saying that weight loss and exquisite genetics could indeed be behind her new look......hmmmmmmm - maybe.

I was curious so I took the initiative to review some photos of her throughout the years and what is obvious to me is that she has definitely had a nose job. Her current now flips up more at the tip.

It seems like her chin has been sculpted as it isn't as pointed as it was.

Her cheekbones are far more pronounced now than they have ever been and I wonder if she hasn't had some sort of resculpting work done along her jaw line.

Her hair looks much better in a more natural look.

Anyway, I'm sure she had her reasons if she did indeed have cosmetic surgery - but I think you will agree that something other than weight loss was involved.

Superstition

I haven't been on my bike, Superstition, in almost 10 days. I didn't realize until I fired her up how much I had missed her -- and that's keeping in mind that I am NOT a weekend warrior rider. Yes, I am a girl in a large city but I still ride my bike 98% of the time. She's a Harley-Davidson FXDL (Dyna Low Rider) - 1450cc engine - and that girl can move!

Last weekend it was in the 20's and icy and then it rained all week and only stopped last night - not good weather to ride in. Today the high was 59 but it was sunny and great to get out.

A friend of mine once said that for a girl's bike, mine has a lot of testosterone. I was listening to her today, really zoning in on the sound -- very throaty, deep. I like it -- it conveys a sense of power.

When I first bought her, I described to the parts & service department how I wanted her to sound. Names like "Screaming Eagle" were being tossed out and I told them I wasn't parts savvy but as I had been raised around them, I knew what I liked.

I did a good job describing the sound I wanted because damn if they didn't nail it perfectly. She ended up being louder than the pipes on The Illustrious One's Road King. He was miffed and went and had an entire new exhaust system put on his so he was louder than me. My bike responded by blowing out one of her baffles so she was louder again.

Some people are offended by loud pipes on bikes - but when you are competing with blasting stereos and people on cell phones, every little bit helps and it seems like a good roll on the pipes works much better than a horn any day.

A cool thing about Dallas is that there are a lot of girl riders here -- both on cruisers and the sport bikes. It doesn't matter if they are college age, corporate types or girls with a wild hair after getting divorced -- once they embrace their bikes, they rarely look back.

I don't know what it is about a bike but it has the ability to relax you -- even if you are riding in traffic. There's a joke that you never see a motorcycle parked outside a shrink's office -- and so far that's been true for me.

I do wear a helmet -- not for safety reasons, but to keep the hair on top of my head from getting tangled when I ride...style v. substance.

Whether you are a guy or a girl - if you are itching to ride, set aside a weekend, take the beginners training course and go from there. I had never ridden a bike (only been a passenger), took the class and a couple months later bought one of the most serious Harley's out there. At first I thought I was going to get a Sportster to get a feel for it - but I never even rode it. All I did was kick up the kickstand and I could tell that thing was far too top heavy for my liking so the Low Rider it was.

I'm very glad I have my bike -- she's not a hobby any longer - she's the reason for the direction my career has taken, it's a damn lot of fun and I highly recommend it!

Congratulations & Get Well Soon

He did it. Apolo Anton Ohno did not disappoint. I'm glad that Bode received so much pre-Olympic hype because it took the attention off Apolo. Granted he didn't get to defend his gold in the 1500m last week but today the boy kicked ass.

He won gold in the 500m - it was a solid win with no interference. Then he clinched the team 5000m relay for the bronze.

Apolo has now won 5 Olympic medals -- watch out Vancouver 2010!!
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On a totally different topic, there's this blogging chick who thinks she is all that and a bag of chips. Let's just say she was less than polite towards someone who was very nice.

Well, some people took her to task for her demeanor. Her response -- block their IP addresses so she could talk smack about them on her blog without them knowing about. But, obviously her blocking actions haven't worked because we know what has been said.

And I understand that many people use their blogs as a daily journal for their trials and tribulations -- but is it really necessary to share the fact that you haven't had a "movement" for more than a week?

Anyway, since PG felt the need to share that information with her viewing audience, all we can do is wish her well and recommend colonics or a good diuretic tea -- get well soon!!!

Pluck Your Twanger

A long time ago, in a decade far away - - the 70's - - there was a British children's show loosely based on Sesame Street. It was called Rainbow Arch.

Below is a excerpt from a script and a link to the video clip in question -- take the time to watch it because it's quite amusing!

...Click on the image to connect to the video clip...

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana.....

Zippy: " One skin, two skin, three skin, four "

George: " Zippy, where is Bungle?"

Zippy: " I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up"

We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.

Bungle: " Geoffrey, I can't get it in"

Geoffrey: "You managed it last night"

Bungle: "I know, lets try it round the Otherway. Ooooooh, I've got it in"

Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit

Bungle: " Would you stick this on the shelf, George"

George: " I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself, Bungle."

Geoffrey (to camera) " Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing"

Bungle: " Playing with each other, Geoffrey?"

Geoffrey:" Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?"

George:" Yesterday we played with each other's balls. Are we going to play with our friend's balls today? "

Bungle: " Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well."

Geoffrey (to camera) "Have you seen Bungle's twanger?"

Zippy: " Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it."

Bungle: " It's my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle

Zippy:" I can, I'm the best plucker here."

George: " And I'm go od at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?"

Zippy:" Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft."

Geoffrey: " Let's get back to Bungle's twanger."

Bungle (excited) " Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all play with our twangers couldn't we? Let's play the plucking song. Rod and Roger can get their instruments out and Jane has got two lovely Maracas."

Singers Rod, Freddy and Jane enter.

Freddy:" We could hear you all banging away"

Rod: " Banging can be fun."

Jane:" Ooooh yes, and I was banging away all last night with Rod and Freddy."

Freddy (looking sad ) " Yes, but it broke my plucking instrument."

Rod ( to Jane ) " Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?"

Jane: " Oh no, I w as banging away with Freddy last night. But would you like to play with my maracas?

Zippy; " No, let's just pluck away with our twangers."

George:" Yes, it doesn't matter what size our twanger is."

Zippy;" I've got a big red one."

George: " I've only got a tiny twanger. But it works well and I like to play with it."

Geoffrey (to viewers) " Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember, you can bang your balls at the same time. If you haven't got any, ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all play the plucking song."

Everyone in studio: " Pluck, pluck, pluck along, we're going to pluck all day."

Bland, James Bland & Celebrity Swag

I confess - I'm one of those 007 fanatics. Not just the films - I've actually read all the Ian Fleming books and my particular favourites were the ones featuring covers with the sexy girls posing on the larger than life guns. Some femi-nazi's took offense to that so they were yanked off the shelf.

I love the Bond films to the extent that I religiously attend the first screening on the day it is released. When I was in school, now in business, it doesn't matter -- I'll be there.

But back to the issue at hand - the casting of the new Bond or Bland, James Bland...

Sean Connery -- Starred in 6 films beginning with Dr. No. I know a lot of purists swear by Connery and for them he is the be all end all. I don't mind him but he's not my fav.

George Lazenby -- He starred in one film because he sucked so bad, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, which totally sucks because that was the best book of them all.

Roger Moore -- He starred in 6 films beginning with Live and Let Die. Moore really captured the 1970's mentality. The debut film is disappointing to me because the book had such vivid and graphic incidents that were so sugar coated in the film -- case and point - in the book, Felix is strung up alive and eaten by sharks.

Timothy Dalton -- Starred in 2 films. A lot of people didn't care for Dalton but I liked him. He was a refreshing change because he was chivalrous but had a streak of brutality that made him more believable as a secret agent than Moore did.

Pierce Brosnan -- Starred in 4 films. I really like Brosnan in this role -- chivalrous, serious yet a hint of humor. I was so disappointed to hear he wasn't signed for a 5th round.

Daniel Craig -- I've yet to find ANYTHING positive written about Craig being cast as Bond. I really don't know what the hell the producers were thinking to have cast him. The situation is SO bad that there is even a web site set up to boycott the next Bond film by the die-hard fans -- you can find it at www.CraigNotBond.com

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In other mindless news, sometimes I really love the fact that I work in the media / celebrity world because of the swag.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, one of the definitions for swag is: Stolen property; loot. In the entertainment world -- it translates to making out like a bandit.

Von Dutch sends you apparel & sunglasses; 12 cases of Rockstar Energy Drink delivered to your personally, comped Nokia cell phones & unlimited airtime accounts, comped passes to a major Festival and comped passes for meals at Hooters -- and that's just in the past 7 days. Don't think that doesn't add up -- that's more than $470 just for the Rockstar.

Being in entertainment whether before the cameras or not, you actually save a small fortune while being able to have the coolest cutting edge stuff at no charge.

Are You Ready for 2010?

The Torino Olympics aren't even over, yet here we are already hearing about Vancouver 2010. Amuse yourself by reading some of these authentic questions that have been sent from around the the world to an international tourism website!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink!

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it

Bikers -- Best Friend or Worst Enemy

A comment was left to this post -- since this is my blog, I decided to post it right at the top:

Commenter is: "Doctor Life"
Email address: abort_this@yahoo.com
Comment: The guy doing the demonstrations is absolutely correct. Gay friendly = evil.

I've always felt that those that protest THAT much against homosexuality, usually have some repressed issues they've yet to deal with.

There is a time and place for protesting and it is NOT at the funeral services of military personnel.

Now on with the original post.......

So there is some religious guy and his congregation making his way to various military funerals around the US. Seems that God is killing US soldiers in Iraq because we are gay friendly in the States.

A biker group, Patriot Guard Riders, are showing up with tons of flags and chanting pro-USA slogans so that the grieving families don't have to deal with the insane protestors....here is the news article:

Wearing vests covered in military patches, a band of motorcyclists rolls around the country from one soldier's funeral to another, cheering respectfully to overshadow jeers from church protesters.

They call themselves the Patriot Guard Riders, and they are more than 5,000 strong, forming to counter anti-gay protests held by the Rev. Fred Phelps at military funerals.

Phelps believes American deaths in Iraq are divine punishment for a country that he says harbors homosexuals. His protesters carry signs thanking God for so-called IEDs -- explosives that are a major killer of soldiers in Iraq.

The bikers shield the families of dead soldiers from the protesters, and overshadow the jeers with patriotic chants and a sea of red, white and blue flags.

"The most important thing we can do is let families know that the nation cares," said Don Woodrick, the group's Kentucky captain. "When a total stranger gets on a motorcycle in the middle of winter and drives 300 miles to hold a flag, that makes a powerful statement."

At least 14 states are considering laws aimed at the funeral protesters, who at a recent memorial service at Fort Campbell wrapped themselves in upside-down American flags. They danced and sang impromptu songs peppered with vulgarities that condemned homosexuals and soldiers.

The Patriot Guard was also there, waving up a ruckus of support for the families across the street. Community members came in the freezing rain to chant "U-S-A, U-S-A" alongside them.
"This is just the right thing to do. This is something America didn't do in the '70s," said Kurt Mayer, the group's national spokesman. "Whether we agree with why we're over there, these soldiers are dying to protect our freedoms."

Shirley Phelps-Roper, a daughter of Fred Phelps and an attorney for the Topeka, Kansas-based church, said neither state laws nor the Patriot Guard can silence their message that God killed the soldiers because they fought for a country that embraces homosexuals.

"The scriptures are crystal clear that when God sets out to punish a nation, it is with the sword. An IED is just a broken-up sword," Phelps-Roper said. "Since that is his weapon of choice, our forum of choice has got to be a dead soldier's funeral."

The church, Westboro Baptist Church, is not affiliated with a larger denomination and is made up mostly of Fred Phelps' extended family members.

During the 1990s, church members were known mostly for picketing the funerals of AIDS victims, and they have long been tracked as a hate group by the Montgomery, Alabama-based Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Project.

The project's deputy director, Heidi Beirich, said other groups have tried to counter Phelps' message, but none has been as organized as the Patriot Guard.

"I'm not sure anybody has gone to this length to stand in solidarity," she said. "It's nice that these veterans and their supporters are trying to do something. I can't imagine anything worse, your loved one is killed in Iraq and you've got to deal with Fred Phelps."

Kentucky, home to sprawling Fort Campbell along the Tennessee line, was among the first states to attempt to deal with Phelps legislatively. Its House and Senate have each passed bills that would limit people from protesting within 300 feet of a funeral or memorial service. The Senate version would also keep protesters from being within earshot of grieving friends and family members.

Richard Wilbur, a retired police detective, said his Indiana Patriot Guard group only comes to funerals if invited by family. He said he has no problem with protests against the war but sees no place for objectors at a family's final goodbye to a soldier.

"No one deserves this," he said.

Are Prescription Drugs The Only Answer?

I saw a commercial tonite for an "american cheese flavored" something that is approved by the American Heart Association. No fat, no carbs blah blah blah. How the hell does the human body assimilate something that is not natural?

So this commercial got me to thinking about my own personal journey to avoid pharmaceuticals and fakes at all costs whenever possible. I personally believe that once someone succumbs to that slippery slope, there is little chance of going back for a number of reasons -- you body stops producing whatever it would naturally because a drug has taken it's place, the drugs are masking the problems not solving them, etc.

The Illustrious One is unaware of this, but I am very appreciative that he has avoided taking prescription drugs in many circumstances when he easily could have. Maybe he saw first hand my almost obsessive desire to avoid drugs -- don't get me wrong - I think marijuana should be legalized for those suffering from cancer or HIV complications because marijuana is natural and has been used by indigenous people for centuries - but I think too many people are looking for a quick fix and will pop whatever brightly colored pill some person in a white coat prescribes. I mean honestly, how can someone that sees you only a few minutes a year know your body better than you do?

A number of years ago I was a passenger in a car wreck. The right side of my head took out the windshield and my right hip split the dashboard in two -- I had no cuts, no abrasions, no fractures, nada. The paramedics kept looking at the car and rummaging about my body looking for SOMETHING that was wrong. I did have something wrong -- but it was internal.

The impact of the crash has my right hip joint 1 1/2" lower than my left hip joint and my backbone is twisted to compensate -- you can only tell it on Xrays. Also, the impact misaligned my jaw - not enough to warrant breaking it and resetting it, but enough to cause a lot of grief.

I had the most horrific headaches I have ever had in my life and they continued at the rate of about 2 a week for more than 2 years. At one point the doctors had me on a cocktail of "start with prescription Tylenol" and I would work my way up to 6 of those, then 4 Darvocet then 2 Midrin....well it didn't end the pain but by the time that much medication was in me I was so fried I couldn't even walk.

Then I visited an oral surgeon who praised the wonders of Halcion. I kept telling the doctors something was wrong -- but no one listened to me. It wasn't until my boyfriend at the time received a phone call from his grandmother wanting to know if we were coming to dinner. He replies, "What dinner?" and she says, "I mailed you invites with an RSVP," and THAT was when he realized there was REALLY a problem with me. Miss Etiquette hadn't replied to an RSVP.

If you are having trouble picturing the scene, think of Charlotte's first husband in Sex & the City -- too wealthy Scottish family that was so prim & proper -- now you see why an unanswered RSVP was such a serious issue!

There is SO much I don't remember while I was on Halcion - like 2nd year French -- the whole semester! But I recall him coming in the front door the day of that unanswered invite and just looking at me and somehow I knew that he finally realized that there was something very wrong with me. He was really sweet and saying I looked pretty and that we needed to go to dinner. From then on he was really involved with my medical appointments and such and he stood up to the doctors for me. There was no more brushing off "the girl" who couldn't remember last week; there was a third party involved that knew me before the Halcion and literally lived with me during it all as my memory got worse and worse.

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl -- mechanics don't take you seriously when it comes to your car and doctors dismiss you when it comes to medical stuff. Guys with manners and chivalry don't understand, but it happens -- more often than not. And it's a refreshing a change to have a guy step up to the plate and defend you especially when you aren't firing on all pistons.

The worst thing about getting off Halcion after being on it so long is that you can't sleep -- you'll be up for 6 days at a time and LOOK like you've been up for 6 days. You finally crater, pop a Halcion and go to sleep. But at some point, I guess if you are fortunate, you fight it through.

Turns out I never needed Halcion -- I needed an "oral applicance" to sleep with in my mouth (kind of like a retainer) that helped everything get back in place -- no drugs at all.

Me and the boy ended up splitting up when he went off to NYC for college but I remember him calling me one night before we split up all excited, "Did you watch 20/20? That piece on Halcion? The people can't remember jack and they are killing people and not remembering -- THAT'S WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU!!!" Yes, I had watched it also -- I guess we are all lucky that I didn't kill someone.

So what got me on this Halcion story -- the commercial about "american flavored" something that's supposed to be cheese. After my bout with Halcion, I never have taken a prescription drug again. I read Back to Eden, Fit For Life, etc etc. I turned to homoeopathy solutions and understood that my body needs natural foods -- to hell with calories, fat & carbs -- if it's natural, your body can break it down, maintain and heal itself. Fake food & prescriptions your body can't do jack with.

Chocolate H.O.G.'s

At some time, we all make mistakes when speaking.

Let's just be thankful that we don't do it on an international level !!

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H.O.G. ROAD CANDY TOUR INDULGES IN THE SWEETEST ROADS
Harley Owners Group Touring Rally Satisfies Cravings for Scenic Roads

HERSHEY, Pa. (February 16, 2006) – Harley Owners Group (H.O.G.) invites hundreds of H.O.G. members to experience the sweet roads and sensational scenery along the H.O.G. Road Candy Tour from Hershey, Pa., to Huntington, W. Va., Sept. 5 through 8.

H.O.G. members will enjoy sightseeing in decadent Hershey with opportunities to visit the Hershey Museum and Hershey’s Chocolate World. Riders will then journey along the roads to York, Pa., taking in a tour of Harley-Davidson’s York Vehicle Operations facility. The ride will continue on to Gettysburg, Pa., where history buffs can go back in time and visit some of the monumental sites during the Civil War.

Harley-Davidson dealerships will sweeten the deal with dealership parties open to the public at Susquehanna Valley Harley-Davidson in Harrisburg, Pa., Battlefield Harley-Davidson in Gettysburg and Benjy's Harley-Davidson in Huntington, W. Va.

Registration is open to all H.O.G. members beginning Feb. 22. Event capacity is limited to 1,200 people. Cost is $200 plus $7 shipping and handling per person. To register for the H.O.G. Road Candy Tour, enthusiasts can visit www.members.hog.com or call 1-800-CLUBHOG.

Sex & Politics....

....goes together like Peanut Butter & Jelly!

I realized that all of this week's posts have had an underlying theme of sex to them - so I decided to wrap off the week with sex.

In today's Dallas Morning News, it was disclosed that Todd Malin, Democrat candidate for the Texas House, used to be a male escort by the name of Todd Sharpe. Malin has acknowledged his past indiscretions and says that he has found God and has tried to be proactive on the right path.

The only reason the DMN found out about this was because another gay Democrat gave them the heads up about it (no pun intended) -- supposedly this other gay guy was concerened that Malin's past would come out at some point and "hurt the party".

Many organizations have endorsed Malin whose and now in light of his past they are "reconsidering" their endorsements. Malin was also one of the top sales people within Mary Kay Cosmetics -- he's one of the few guys to earn that pink cadillac.

So Malin was a man-whore in a previous life -- it makes me wonder, does anyone deserve a second chance at a new life? And if they are worthy, who amongst us in the glass houses hold the right to determine enough penance has been paid before someone is allowed to move on?

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So on the topic of gay men -- after much hoopla over Brokeback Mountain, it seems that Midnight Cowboy is suddenly becoming tres chic yet again.

When MC was released, people weren't so much offended by a gay cowboy as they were by the drugs and homelessness as shown in the late 1960's New York City. MC was also rated X when it was released and holds the distinction of being the only X rated film to win the Best Film category at The Oscars.

Now, MC is rated a tame R as our times have changed.

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A question was posed to me about gays in Texas -- since we are all Corona chuggling, beer drinking, truck driving, bomb first ask questions later, mentality, how do gays fare in our state?

Pretty damn good actually.

Dallas has the Pink Mafia and some say that the gays here are better organized than in San Francisco. While SF is running around with protest signs, the gays here are setting up banks, credit unions, legal firms, etc...in other words, the kinds of companies that can get into a postion to work from within to institute change.

And for my .02 on gay marriage, I agree with Kinky Friedman: "Gays should be able to marry because they have just as much right to be miserable as the rest of us!"

Sex Sells

There is no escaping it -- sex sells and it's almost everywhere in advertising.

Molly Simms sports a $30 million diamond bikini - how practical is that? I mean granted, a girl wouldn't wear an ensemble like that to Club Med, but you would like to get some more action out of it than standing still before a camera crew.

But after reading about this bikini, I got to thinking about sex, advertising and adult entertainers....

I know people who are worried about their kids seeing porn magazines. I think if I had a kid, I would try to be as open as possible about stuff. Kids always want what is forbidden or off limits. If Junior is interested in Penthouse, show it to him. But, stress the fact that girls rarely look like that in the flesh and it's amazing what proper lighting, mineral oil & Photoshop can do to "enhance" an image.

I've been in a unique position to have worked in some capacity with 3 girls from the "adult oriented business" world....an interesting twist given the fact that I don't know how to pole dance! This exposure and how the girls lead their lives has given me a unique insight to that world.

The 3 girls include:

• A Penthouse Centerfold
• A Miss Nude World
• An Adult Film Star

The Centerfold has her "vice president of a major bank" mother handling all of her investments.

The Illustrious One came back to the hotel one night (we were obviously out of town) and was telling me the cutest story about the Centerfold. Seems they had gone to CompUSA that day for some parts because they were wiring her apartment so she could go live on web cam.

Centerfold said to Illustrious, "I just don't know why guys are staring at me!"

He replied, "Maybe because you are wearing a ball cap with PENTHOUSE on the front and MISS AUGUST on the back?"

I adore her!

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Miss Nude World attended one of those performing arts schools and her classmates looked down on her for using her dancing degree to pole dance rather than mastering Martha Graham moves.

She was a sweet girl but last I heard she and her boyfriend were in another state and supposedly screwed over one of the Motorcycle Clubs that don't take kindly to that.

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Adult Film Star is fantastic as a person. She was hanging out at my loft for a few days and had the idea to highlight her hair for her web cam fans. She finally got me to get on cam with her because she needed me to apply the highlights .... I did NOT want to be on her web cam. But, she's a major neat freak and cleans the hell out of everything so since she had been in "mighty maid mode" for like 3 days straight, I figured the least I could do was streak her hair.

The funny thing was that by the time we were finished, some guys in her chat room were asking for my info! Boys are funny!

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So back to the origin of this post -- is there anyway to revert to advertising campaigns that are sans sex appeal?

Probably not - case and point being this vintage Coca-Cola ad -- sexy girl, swimsuit, happily saying "Yes".

This is the fodder of little boy's dreams around the world so, no, I don't think we can escape sex in advertising.

Measuring Challenged Men

Ok, it's official. Men do not know jack about measurements.

Don't get me wrong; I adore men -- I work almost exclusively with men. And that being said, I think I am quasi-qualified to make a statement like, "Men do not know jack about measurements."

First off today, some guy was describing a girl to me and said she was my height - about 5'-4". I replied, "I'm 5'-9"....." And he responds, "Oh you can't be because she's not that tall." Woahkayfine -- I guess I am clueless as to how tall I am.

Then I was on a walk through of a 380 acre facility that will be hosting a motorcycle rally this summer. One of the guys ran out of gas and he literally coasted into the property. After we were finished with the walk through, we began rummaging about for a gas container or siphon hose.

A gas container was filled with some odd concoction so the decision was made to not use that for a gas run. Then all the guys went into full blown MacGyver mode looking for a siphon hose. What was found was a water hose with large connectors on the end.

The boys were just a pleased as punch and were holding up the hose like they were Dick Cheney making a good kill. I made the comment, "You need a knife to cut off the ends." Why would the ends need to be cut off. I replied, "Because it won't fit into the gas tank otherwise."

Well at that, 3 of the guys puffed up their chests and replied along the lines, "Oh I can get that to fit in my tank...etc etc etc."

So in order, they each went up to their bikes and tried to get the water hose to fit into their tanks -- guess what -- it wouldn't fit. And as luck would have it no one had a knife.

At this point, I was missing The Illustrious One because he ALWAYS has a knife and a bike tool kit that has a suction hose in it.

The guys revert back to MacGyver mode and go on a quest for something else. They found 30' of hose for a soda machine. At this point one of them asks, "Do you think this will work?" I replied, "If you aren't gay or a girl I doubt you could suck hard enough for that to work." Needless to say, the soda hose went back.

Then a stethescope was found -- like I said, true MacGyver mode -- and the ends were yanked off and after several palate cleansers of Chevron Super Unleaded, the go-go juice was flowing into the empty tank.

So why don't guys understand measurements?

Well, let's face it, they've run around for eons saying that >--------------- < is in fact 7"....!!