Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Measuring Challenged Men

Ok, it's official. Men do not know jack about measurements.

Don't get me wrong; I adore men -- I work almost exclusively with men. And that being said, I think I am quasi-qualified to make a statement like, "Men do not know jack about measurements."

First off today, some guy was describing a girl to me and said she was my height - about 5'-4". I replied, "I'm 5'-9"....." And he responds, "Oh you can't be because she's not that tall." Woahkayfine -- I guess I am clueless as to how tall I am.

Then I was on a walk through of a 380 acre facility that will be hosting a motorcycle rally this summer. One of the guys ran out of gas and he literally coasted into the property. After we were finished with the walk through, we began rummaging about for a gas container or siphon hose.

A gas container was filled with some odd concoction so the decision was made to not use that for a gas run. Then all the guys went into full blown MacGyver mode looking for a siphon hose. What was found was a water hose with large connectors on the end.

The boys were just a pleased as punch and were holding up the hose like they were Dick Cheney making a good kill. I made the comment, "You need a knife to cut off the ends." Why would the ends need to be cut off. I replied, "Because it won't fit into the gas tank otherwise."

Well at that, 3 of the guys puffed up their chests and replied along the lines, "Oh I can get that to fit in my tank...etc etc etc."

So in order, they each went up to their bikes and tried to get the water hose to fit into their tanks -- guess what -- it wouldn't fit. And as luck would have it no one had a knife.

At this point, I was missing The Illustrious One because he ALWAYS has a knife and a bike tool kit that has a suction hose in it.

The guys revert back to MacGyver mode and go on a quest for something else. They found 30' of hose for a soda machine. At this point one of them asks, "Do you think this will work?" I replied, "If you aren't gay or a girl I doubt you could suck hard enough for that to work." Needless to say, the soda hose went back.

Then a stethescope was found -- like I said, true MacGyver mode -- and the ends were yanked off and after several palate cleansers of Chevron Super Unleaded, the go-go juice was flowing into the empty tank.

So why don't guys understand measurements?

Well, let's face it, they've run around for eons saying that >--------------- < is in fact 7"....!!