Mustafa Shag -- Riders -- I Won!!

Thank GOD for the London Sun online edition -- it's how I learn about all that is truly worthwhile in the world. In tonite's edition, they have an amusing story about a blow up sex toy doll that of course, is offensive to some people in the world.

Evidentally, this amusing shop Ann Summers has the Mustafa Shag Doll -- for those you a little dim -- sound it out -- "Must Hava Shag" -- who is outfitted with a 7" manhood.

BIG SUPRISE -- the Muslim's are all offended again. Seems that Mustafa is also a pseudonym for Muhammad -- not Ali as in the boxer -- but that religious guy they are hell bent on shoving down our collective throats.

What the fanatical Muslim types forget is that it is very challenging to overcome one's gag reflex -- it takes true talent and it is an art that few will ever master. Therefore, it stands to reason that they are fighting a loosing battle! HA HA!

Honestly -- why don't we all just live under rocks that way we won't offend anyone?! Aw to hell with it -- in homage to one of my most famous quotes -- "Pour a stiff drink, light a cigar and fuck everyone - decadence is back and resistance is useless!"

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Today I submitted the proposal rider for one esteemed well known motorcycle builder to attend a particular rally this summer. What, might this rider entail --

• Appearance Fee
• Must be located next to a misting tent
• (2) Yellow beach umbrellas
• (6) Large containers of purple daffodils
• (2) All access passes
• Close proximity to beer

Why would a hard core bike builder want yellow beach umbrellas and purple flowers?

Well if you had to hang out somewhere for 5 days, wouldn't you want your environment to be pleasant?

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Here's a little insight into my warped way of thinking -- I won a toothbrush today and I am THRILLED!!!!

Why, pray tell, you may ask?

Because it is THE toothbrush I've wanted for more than 6 months. It's $140. See, I have this weird thing about spending money so when my lovely Braun that pulsates at 2 minutes finally died after 10 years - I continued to use it. I just actually moved my arm to brush my teeth instead of having the brush do all the work for me. And I had to focus for 2 minutes morning and night instead of letting my mind wander aimlessly knowing subconsciously that the brush would pulsate at the 2 minute mark telling me I can go about my day -- or night.

So why didn't I just buy the toothbrush -- well see, that's where that damn Capricorn gene kicks in -- I could have just bought the replacement handle for about $20 according to a place on www.Shopzilla.com - but it wouldn't have all the kewl new features -- like being able to hold a charge for 2 weeks while still using it for a total of 4 minutes a day.

So on some boring evening, I was reviewing the Oral-B Triumph yet again contemplating, "Should I or shouldn't I" and saw that there was a sweepstakes to win 1 of 700. Today I received the following email:

"....You have won an Oral-B® Triumph Toothbrush. You will be receiving your Oral-B® Triumph Toothbrush in the mail 8-10 weeks after the end of the promotion. It will be mailed to the address you provided on the registration form. The promotion ends on January 31, 2006.Your win has been automatically approved. No further verification is required to claim your prize....."

Yes, I know I'm half a bubble off -- but remember, I am Texan and we're known for being a little odd.....and being well armed in preparation for the secession.

In closing, I leave you with a lovely quote from Kinky Friedman -- The Texas Jewboy running for governor -- "I'm here to stop the wussification of Texas!"