Sunday, November 26, 2006

"I left my nut on the bar room floor..."

In Dallas, there is a section of town called Lower Greenville. A lot of peple that are new to Dallas don't know where LG begins -- it begins at Mockingbird Lane. In most cities it would be called SoMo for south of Mockingbird (think SoHo - south of Houston in NYC and SoBe for South Beach in Miami)....but here, we have Lower Greenville.

LG is one of those parts of town where cute little bungalows sell for $300k to yuppies who then huff and puff because of the noise and traffic and even though they bought a home half a block away from a strip of nightclubs and restaurants. Everyone else rents and it's usually younger people, or those working in hospitality or entertainment.

That being said, if a group of LG residents stumbled upon blood, penis and bits of a testicle next to a bar as they had stepped up to order their drinks, they'd probably start singing the song "Detachable Penis".....

"I Left My Nut On The Bar Room Floor...."
Submitted by Avi S. Adelman on November 25, 2006 - 23:56.
Bar patron accidentally shoots self in crotch, then claims he was shot by someone else

A Lower Greenville bar patron shot himself in the crotch while sitting at a bar. He went home and called the police, claiming someone else had shot him. DPD was able to prove his story was fabricated when they found parts of the bullet, a testicle, his penis, and some flesh on the bar floor.

While this may sound like the first verse of a really bad country-western song (is there such a thing as a good country-western song??), DPD sources swear it is absolutely true. Of course, it takes a long time to tell the story because they are laughing too hard while repeating it. BD won't name the bar since they should not be associated with someone so stupid.

According to DPD sources, the incident (which occurred last weekend) started in a little tussle with some other patrons in this bar. Feeling humiliated, the patron went out to his car and came back with a small-caliber weapon tucked in his pants.

(Which brings up the question: Did he know the safety was off??)

The suspect went to the bar and tried to show his newfound manhood to the (female) bartender. She told DPD she did not see anything recognizable in his pants.

Moments later, the patron stood up and bounced his gut against the bar, causing the gun to discharge. The bartender told DPD she heard what sounded like a balloon popping, but paid no mind to it since there was a birthday party taking place in the bar.

The patron did not show any signs of pain or distress and left the bar immediately after the shot was fired. He went home, then called the DPD to report he had been shot by persons unknown.
DPD immediately began to doubt his story (could it be the lack of a bullet hole in his pants??) and started to trace his whereabouts during the evening. An inspection of the floor by the bar led to the discovery of the bullet fragments and body parts.

According to initial reports, the bullet entered the patron's scrotum (taking out a testicle and piece of his penis along the way), went through his foot, before lodging in the bar floor.

The patron was admitted to the hospital, but no charges are pending against him at this time.


No comments: