I've been in a really "black" spell the past few days - one of the least desirable traits of being a Capricorn.
Linda Goodman once wrote in one of her books, and I'm quoting as best I can by memory, "...all people go through black spells. But the goat, is unlike the other signs and their black spells can be worse that any other sign and can last days, weeks and sometimes months."
I mean think about it -- Elvis Presley, David Bowie, Howard Hughes, Ava Gardner -- all goats and not exactly poster children for sane, happy mental health. Elvis is legendary for his spells; Bowie spent a full three years in a funk (case in point the Berlin trilogy - for those of you unsavvy that would be the Low, Heroes & Lodger albums), Hughes spent the last years of his life in a funk and Ava was notorious for running away and starting life anew in Spain and then to London - once she refused to make a public appearance for months because she took a fall from a horse and was convinced her face was permanently disfigured.
Personally, I have one person in the world that is capable of pulling me out of these funks very quickly -- the problem is, he isn't even aware of the most basic things though I've told him time and again what would help. It's literally a hug and some kind words, maybe go to a film, just something to get me snapped out of it. The sad things is that every now and again when I have tried to turn to him in the past, I ended up getting emotionally kicked when I was already down....so now I have a tendency to just try to keep it all to myself but that makes me spend a longer time being in the funk. (big sigh)
So yesterday in the midst of one of these black moods (I only started coming back out of it today) I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend I was thinking of possible ways of suicide. NOT that I'm suicidal -- but I tend to think deep and dark thoughts during those spells. I think it's just a game I play - sick and morbid perhaps to some - but nonetheless it allows me to work through all the possible scenarios and then move on to getting into a better, more positive state of mind.
Pills don't work because it would seem your body would either get sick and try to get rid of them or you stand the chance of putting yourself into a vegetative state. Guns don't work because that is just flat out rude for whoever has to find you -- honestly, the mess that is left behind.
So I tend to have 2 theories -- but I won't share those here because I could just see someone following through on one of MY ideas and then their realitives would try to hold me liable....kind of like those yahoos that sue bands because of lyrics in a song. Honestly, songs don't kill people.
But speaking of songs with a suicidal theme, a good one is by yet another goat, Marianne Faithfull's "The Ballad of Lucy Jordan". Even Absolutely Fabulous had her on episode 4.4 (Marianne played God and Anita Pallenberg was the Devil -- LOL!!) once to do a rendetion to one of the scenes.
"The evening sun touched gently on the eyes of lucy jordan
On the roof top where she climbed when all the laughter grew too loud
And she bowed and curtsied to the man who reached and offered her his hand,
And he led her down to the long white car that waited past the crowd.
At the age of thirty-seven she knew she’d found forever
As she rode along through Paris with the warm wind in her hair ..."
Great interview on 60 Minutes tonite with Morgan Freeman. He was talking about the ridiculousness of having a "Black History Month" and that it should be done away with. Mike Wallace asked him what was the best way to deal with racisim and Freeman replied, "Stop discussing it."
I agree with him. I think once people stop playing that racisim card at the drop of a hat, only then will society as a whole be willing to move forward.
He also went on to mention the fact that he would prefer that his home state of Mississippi adopt a new flag design - one that does away with the design incorporating the Confederate flag. He feels that symbol is negative towards, and this is his quote, "jews, niggers & gays."
I have heard many discussions pro and con regarding the Confederate flag - I know it still stirs up passionate beliefs for many in the southern U.S. Unfortunately, the Confederate flag has spiraled downward towards a negative conotation much as the Swastika has.
The Swastika is a design that has been used in many religions around the world from Hindus, to the Jewish faith to Native Americans since 5,000 B.C. It wasn't until it was incorporated into the design for National Socialist German Workers Party, founded by Adolph Hitler, that it's religious implications were subverted.
Variations of the swastika design are still used to this day in many religious and cultural ways around the world -- it's only in Western society that it shunned.
Much like the swastika, the origins of the Confederate flag have been shoved back into the shadows of history. The original confederate flag was called the "Stars & Bars" and at that time it's design was very similar to the flag used by the Union troops. The design that is known today as the "Confederate Flag" was in fact the "battle flag" which is the popular X-shaped design. Much like the swastika, this original design has a religious foundation.
The X-shape is in fact the cross of St. Andrew - the apostle who was martyred on an X-shaped cross. At the time of the flag's origin, a large segment of the Southern population was of Scottish & Scotch-Irish ancestry and thus familiar with St. Andrew who was the patron saint of Scotland. The stars represented the eleven states actually in the Confederacy.
At the end of the day there ideally would be an understanding on both sides for both of these emblems as they were not designed to promote hate but instead had their origins firmly within the religious world and conveyed a sense of pride.