Friday, January 27, 2006

Lines Drawn in the Sand with Mozart & Tequila

When you are in a relationship and everything is going well, at some point emotional walls start to come down and you confide things to your partner in moments of closeness. This can be a double edged sword because on one side it's good that you feel safe enough to voice these things but on the other side it's possible ammunition for your own emotional downfall in a relationship.

Without fail, there will come days when the two of you, with your strong egos and prideful nature clash. It's a temporary lapse that may last a few hours or a few days but inevitably you find your way back to one another. And even though that's a good thing, during that lapse is when the opportunity arises for one of you to cross that emotional boundary on your partner.

For example, if you know that sleeping around on your partner is a strong catalyst for them ending the relationship, you hold the power to act upon it or keep yourself in check until you are past the rebound stage.

I remember my parents using their various sexual escapades as weapons against one another. As a result, intimacy is a very sacred thing to me because I know first hand the damage promiscuity can cause. An ex of mine chose to mess around on me while we lived together. I finally pulled the truth out of him one day and even though I knew what the answer was, I wanted to hear it from him. I'm a bit of a masochist that way -- I want it bad and emotionally raw so that there is no "what if" afterwards.

He told me weeks later that the pain he saw in my eyes as a result of his actions, he prayed he never caused again to someone. We separated and he tried it with the other girl for a few weeks - about 3 weeks. He came back - or at least tried to - he put up with my anger towards him, allowed himself to be my emotional punching bag and was docile through it all.

Finally one night at a place called Strictly Tabu I asked him, "Why are you still here? What do you want from me?"

He looked down for a moment and then said, "I want your love back because what I had with you was pure and real. You're someone for the long run and I totally fucked up."

In retrospect it's mind boggling everything you can forget over the course of your life and the amazing details you can remember from certain key moments.

Granted we tried to rebuild the relationship but the damage was done. I could just never forget and most importantly I could never truly trust him again.

Trust is a vital thing in love.

You take a massive emotional risk by disclosing your boundaries to someone. And hopefully, they aren't the type to push those boundaries to test you. Some people have the need to push to see if they can push you away or will you love them unconditionally.

But when love is such a valuable commodity, why would you want to push someone and test them? Doing that is not love -- it's selfish and self-destructive and there will be no winners in the end.


Happy Birthday -- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart would have been 250 today! Mozart was the original rock star.


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Grey Biker said...

Sounds like the ex boyfriend should have tried Tequila® instead.

web_loafer said...

Just a quick note to say I finally got to your nice comment at one of my blogs.

Concerning Mozart, there is a very good article about Salzburg Austria's love of Mozart in the current Smithsonian Magazine. Yes Happy Birthday Mozart, a day late.
You might want to revisit the blog you left your comment at, I answered that comment there.
One of my blogs

web_loafer said...

Sorry, I goofed